In June 2023, my husband and I celebrated 20 years of marriage. Before you assume I’m about to write a love story filled with Pinterest-worthy quotes and perfectly filtered date nights, let me stop you right there.
Marriage is beautiful. But also? Marriage is work.
Messy. Chaotic. Stretch-you-past-your-limits kind of work.
And after nearly three decades, if there’s one thing I can promise, it’s that love doesn’t survive on butterflies and cute anniversary posts alone.
So here’s our story. The real one.
It All Started with a Look… and a Lie I Told Myself
We first “met” at a concert. And by met, I mean I was with someone else, and my now-husband was leaning against a wall looking like a scene straight out of an R&B video.
Hands in his pockets. One leg propped up. Eyes locked with mine.
And I forgot everything else around me, even the guy I came with.
Did I know then he’d be my husband? No. I was just stunned by the connection. Like something shifted. But I did what most women do, I filed it away under “not possible” and moved on with life.
Until life brought us back together a year later in a college summer school class. He walked in, and I turned to my friend and said, “He’s going to by my husband.” Now, was I being serious? Who knows. But did it happen? Yep. And I didn’t even realize he was the same man from the concert until much later. So yeah, fate, coincidence, God’s plot twist… call it what you want. But the foundation was set.
The Great Pen Heist of ’96
He borrowed pens from me every day.
Every.
Single.
Day.
He’d ask. I’d hand it over. He’d give it back.
The nerve of that man, using BICs as a flirting tactic. And it worked.
We started talking. Laughing. Studying. Sitting too close and pretending it was about class.
By the end of that summer, I moved in with my dad and his girlfriend just to be closer to him.
That’s how our love story really started. Not with fireworks, but with borrowed pens and convenience store dinners.
But Let’s Be Clear: Love Didn’t Make the Hard Stuff Easier
Somewhere between young love and adult life, real things started happening.
Kids.
Bills.
Career changes.
Exhaustion.
Disappointments.
Therapy.
Growth spurts—not just for our kids, but for us, too.
There were chapters we didn’t post about.
Arguments that ended in tears and silence, not witty comebacks.
Moments where we wondered if love was enough.
And honestly? Sometimes it’s not. But commitment…that daily choice to stay…that’s where the magic is.
We’ve had seasons where we were more like business partners than lovers. Or roommates trying not to drown in the chaos. But every single time, we came back to us.
The Stuff That Actually Keeps a Marriage Going
We’ve kept the spark alive by doing boring things together.
- We text during the day just to check in.
- I wash the clothes, he folds them (except towels, those are mine, just because.
- He does the grocery order. I do the pickup.
- We hug and kiss hello and goodbye. Even when we’re annoyed.
None of that sounds sexy, but that is the intimacy we don’t talk about enough.
It’s the mundane stuff done with love that saves you when life gets heavy.
We’ve also learned that breathing room is essential. Giving each other space isn’t distance. It’s respect. I don’t need to hover to show I care. He doesn’t need to “fix” everything to prove his love.
Therapy & Prayer: The Real MVPs
People think prayer and therapy are opposites. Like you have to pick one.
We picked both.
- Prayer keeps us rooted.
- Therapy taught us to listen without trying to win.
- Both helped us unlearn the idea that being right matters more than being kind.
Listen, I grew up thinking “just pray about it” was enough. And yes, faith moves mountains. But some mountains need tools too.
Therapy gave us those tools.
And we used them. Sometimes with resistance. Sometimes with grace. But always with honesty.
Tools to What We’ve Learned After 29 Years (and Why I’m Still Not an Expert)
You want a strong marriage? Here’s what’s worked for us:
- Don’t chase perfection. You’ll exhaust yourself.
- Protect your peace. Not everything needs to be a fight.
- Let your marriage be yours. Not Instagram’s. Not your mama’s. Not the marriage book’s version.
- Keep choosing each other. Even when it would be easier not to.
We’ve learned not to look sideways at what works for others. We stay focused on what feeds us. And no—we don’t depend on each other for happiness. That’s an inside job. But we do hold space for each other to become better people, together.
Ready to Nourish Your Connection?
Marriage won’t nourish itself. Life gets loud. Schedules get packed.
And the very person you vowed to love can easily become the last person you truly see.
So here’s what I want to share with you, friend:
- Nurture each other with small, intentional acts.
- Organize your life so there’s room for connection.
- Understand that space is part of love.
- Strengthen your relationship with activities that feel like you.
- Be Intentional—don’t just coast.
- Simplify how you love. It doesn’t have to be elaborate.
- Create a Home that feels like safety for both of you.
Whether you’re in year 1 or year 31, the work never stops. But neither does the reward.
❤️ So, What’s Your Love Story?
I’ve shared mine, the real version. Not the highlight reel.
What’s something that’s worked for you and your partner?
Drop it in the comments. Let’s normalize love that’s imperfect and powerful.
Because choosing each other, every day, on purpose. That’s the legacy.
